Can you learn how to love somebody?
by IsisIsabella
Summary: Fred and Wesley can't find a way to be together. Then Fred discovers a new power within here. Fred's POV COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Just thinking…

I was staring true the microscope in my lab and I was just thinking… about him. I shouldn't be thinking about him. I am trying really hard not to. So far it has worked… just a little… tiny bit. My thoughts of him actually are starting to fade away, but I know they will never disappear. Hell, I don't _want _them to disappear. I want them to stay close to me, I want him to be close to me. I shouldn't be wanting him and I will try very hard not to, not only for me, but also for the other guy.

Hurt? Off course I was hurt when I heard he had a (platonic) relationship with Lilah. Although I was extremely shocked and disappointed, I reacted kind of soft. Soft, because what I wanted to do was hit him, scratch him with my sharpest nails, yell at him… But I didn't. Good, old understanding Fred. I didn't want to be reliable, but I had to. My heart broke because of him. God when I think about it and I am living the moment now… If he would enter now, that wouldn't be wise for him.

"Fred!" someone shouted. Ugh, can't you be more quiet?!

"Fred!" , the voice shouted, a little softer. Oh, I recognized his voice, it was … "Knox, hi!

I am so sorry I didn't answer, I was just thinking…"

"Hey I am sure your thoughts were genius as always" Hmpf, if only you knew!

Knox is different. He isn't like Wes, he isn't one of "the gang", well at least what was left of it. But he's reliable, he has shown me respect and his feelings, in contary to other people! I think I like him enough to consider to go on a date with him.

"I wondered if our baby worked." He said, out of the blue.

"Excuse me?" I asked, a little surprised.

"Well, the grenade we made for the boss" he said. Oh yeah, the boss, Angel.

"Off course it did" I replied.

"You want to bet?" He asked, while he came closer to me.

"A bet ,if it worked?, come on how old are you Knox?"

"Afraid of the terms?" he asked.

"Off course not; name them" I said, God I was pretty sure of myself.

"Well," he said, coming closer to me, 'till we were only 3 inches apart ", I was thinking"

Oh my God, he is going to kiss me! Lean in Fred, lean in! Wait, do I really want this? Aw, come on! Look at the boy! He is hot and you like him and maybe you can start forgetting about _him_. As I was convinced we were going to kiss, a door suddenly slammed and I pulled away, fast, too fast. I saw him looking at me and he smiled and moved away from me.

God, I could hit myself with a hammer! I mean, it wasn't even the door of the lab and I just, I just… I just got scared? Oh my god, what if someone had walked in! What if he had walked in. Oh, there he is.. Wesley Wyndham Price.

He sets something on the table, the grenade, that means it didn't work.

"Was Angel mad?" I asked

"Shouldn't he be, we sent him out with a defective piece of weaponry." He replied, the smartass. I hated it, how he said "we".  
"Which "we" are we talking about?" I said, sorry Wes, I need to canalize my frustration.

"Fred, these techno-mystical hybrids are a complicated affair." O, he said that so sweet, I just wanted to eat him like a cupcake!

Oh and there is Knox, he is so nice to me right now; probably side effects from before. Is it just me or is Wesley getting irritated. Don't image things that aren't there Fred, he is not in love with you. Did I said goodbye to Wesley. I don't remember and I pretend I don't care. But I do.

Are we doomed not to be together? Like Buffy and Angel? I hadn't seen them as a couple, but I've always thought they had been an amazing couple with a lot of drama off course and … passion, despite the way Spike mocks Angel and tells me how about their relationship. He doesn't know; he doesn't understand.

Buffy didn't like Angel at first, but then… Well we all know what happened. And her and Spike; I don't think is was the same love. Sure she cried and told him she loved him, but it was different. They also started out "not so friendly" but where did they end up?


	2. It's just me Right?

Chapter II: Scared… Oh so scared… Or not?

Love and hate are supposed to be opposites. But are they really? Love and hate lie very close. I always thought that if I could hate him, the pain would be gone, he would be gone and my love for him would be gone. Wrong, Winifred! I even used a spell to hate him, but it didn't work, I was still in love with him. Bummer!

Love and hate lie very close… too close. I never told anyone, they don't think magic and I should be pronounced in one sentence since I cursed someone. They don't know, but I have been practising, though I shouldn't be, but I get tired of science sometimes and magic is also… interesting.

I wanted to canalize my love and my hate and turn it into magic. I like magic, Wesley knows more about its history. I love magic like a little child likes a race car but he doesn't know, nobody knows. I also tried to do martial arts for a while, you know like Buffy, I think I would really like her! Tiny, small Fred, has tried to do martial arts, I have to emphasize "tried" 'cause it didn't go very well since I am tiny, small Fred. But because of that I could focus on magic completely. Suddenly I realize that I'm not doing anything. Not good, not good, need to work. Oh, there he is again!

"Knox… hey" I smile "

"Did you discover what's wrong with our baby?

Our baby? Jeez get a life!

"Oh yes um sure"

"So…" suddenly he is standing really close to me "Why did you chicken out?"

"Excuse me, I did not!" I say, fake-insulted

"Relax Fred, it's okay, I can wait. Just don't torture me forever. I am going to get coffee. Want to come?"

"No thanks, there's enough work to do." He looks at me sceptically. "For me" I add. "Would you bring me one?"

"Sure" He smiles, I give him a little smile back and I go back to work.

You know these moments that everything goes so incredibly well, that you just keep going? Well, I was having a big one, I'm still working and it is 10 o'clock. At ten o'clock God decided to hate me. I looked terrible, my hair was a mess, my glasses were well let's say on my face, I was writing like a freak(with baggy eyes) and then he enters, was that really necessary? God, why do you hate me?

"Hello" he says, softly, probably because he's so tired, I understand him completely! "Why are you still here Fred, it's already late"

"Er… because I am not two anymore and I don't have to go to bed when mummy says I have to me" Oops, maybe too harsh. He looks at me, he's practically begging me. Oh I am going to cry!

"It was just going so well and I really couldn't stop."

"Yeah, it can be hard to stop with some things." I can't believe he has just said that! I nod, ignoring my mind.

"So, do you want a ride home?" He seems nervous; I have to stop myself from giggling. I consider the offer since I didn't came by bus and going out alone, young girl, in the streets of LA.

"Really, that would be great". Did I just say that? You're in control Fred. Yeah, whatever? He seems as surprised as me.

"Okat then, let's go!" Isn't he suddenly very British cheery or is it just me? It's me… It's certainly me.

Right?


	3. Pride

Chapter III: Pride

"So, pretty rough day huh" I say

"Is it to the left here?" He asks, ignoring my question.

"Uh… yes" I say silent and surprised. Why was he so… not-listening?

"Well," he suddenly says, breaking the uncomfortable silence ", It's never quiet at Wolfram and Hart."

"That's the least you can say." I answer. God, why am I such an interesting conversation partner today?

He is looking at me, I notice. (Okay I'm looking too, but can you blame me?)

Wesley, watch the road, or no, watch me! It's like he heard me because suddenly he looks at the car that is driving in front of him and now he looks at me again. This is fun! I love it! I smile.

He laughs

"What?"

"You drove past my house!"

I laugh again, but he doesn't anymore. That damn (British) male pride!

"Come on Wes, no biggie! Why don't you park your car here and walk me to my house?"

He seemed genuinely happy with that so he parked his car and opened my door before I could and walked me home like a real gentleman.

Now that we're in front of my door, he is shifting uncomfortably and says

"Well then, goodnight."

"Wait" I say. Oh my God! Did I just say that?

"Do you want to come in; you know drink a cup of coffee, talk. We haven't done that in ages. Or are you busy?"

"Er…" oh no he's hesitating! That's not good! Stop hesitating! Come on, it's half past 10, there's nothing you can possibly do, besides going home to a hot girlfriend that's lying waiting in bed.

"Actually, I have something to do. Maybe another time" he says. Wesley Wyndham-Price this was your last chance! There won't be another time!

"Sure." I half smiled, go to the hot girlfriend! What's his freaking problem?

So there he goes and I am having a strange déjà-vu. Excuse me, strange déjà-vus! Okay that doesn't exist, but that's what I am having right now. I go inside and decide to go sulk in my comfy chair and watch the British (it follows me everywhere!) series of "Pride and Prejudice".

My bell rings. Who the hell is crazy enough to… Never mind.

"Wesley" I say, surprised. Surprised isn't the right word!

"Actually I have nothing to do. Does the offer still stand?"


	4. Play

"_Wesley" I say, surprised. Surprised isn't the right word!_

"_Actually I have nothing to do. Does the offer still stand?"_

Chapter IV: Play

Well, I'll have to think about that Wes. You know, there's also something as female pride, did you know that? Come on, Fred, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity! Image what could happen! No, wrong thoughts. We'll talk, that's all. I realize he's still standing there, waiting.

"Fred? Are you feeling well?"

"Yes yes, off course." I snap out of it, finally. He's still looking at me. What does he want? Oh right.

"So, want to come in?" I smile

"Yes, thanks"

"So, do you want a coffee, or water or maybe something stronger?

"What are you drinking?" he asked curiously.

"Hot chocolate" I say, feeling my cheeks getting the colour of a tomato.

"Oh" he just says. Is that too childish for him? That son of a…

"Can you make me one?" ooooh sure! I'll do that only for you.

"Yeah sure" I say, smiling. "So, while the chocolate is on the fire, let me give you a tour of the house. You haven't seen it yet have you?"

"No" Okay, Wesley, more words would be nice.

I see him looking at the screen, it's the scene where Mr Darcy dives into the lake and reencounters with Elisabeth.

"Do you like 'Pride and Prejudice"? You know it's British right?"

"Off course I know that; besides British men are hot or at least uh… Colin Firth"

Did I just say that? Really? Seriously?

"Only Colin Firth?" he asks, a smile playing on his lips. Is he flirting with me? No!

YES! He totally is! Way to go Winifred!

"Well, the guy that plays his best friend is ugly but in real life? I'll have to think about that. I don't know a lot of British men, but if I have to make a conclusion I'd say they're hot. Chocolate is ready!" I say, still smiling. That was a pretty good answer and I answered very quickly. I'd give myself 7 out of 10; I still have work to do!

"Here you go" I put the chocolate in his hands, touching them for two seconds and I take my chocolate back in my hands.

We watch "Pride and Prejudice" till the end, why we discuss about Wolfram and Hart, Angel, Spike,… He's says he noticed I tried do help Spike so hard. Why does everyone make such a big deal out of it?

"I am not in love with him" I say, out loud. I cover my mouth with my hands. That wasn't supposed to come out!

"I know that" he says softly. "It's okay. The others don't get it and Angel is so blinded by his hate for Spike that's his judgement about him is never objective. He thinks that he has to warn everyone that pays attention to Spike. Even the one incredible person that has been trying to save him. Actually you're the only one that has been trying to save him." I look at him, very intensely.

"But I couldn't" he looks at me, not-understanding, "Save him" I say, with tears in my eyes. Don't cry Fred, boys don't like girls that cry a lot. I don't care because he looks at me and hugs me.

"It's been a long time since I've seen you cry. You're strong Fred. But don't be too strong." He says philosophically.

"Okay. I'll keep that in mind." I smile through my tears. His face, his mouth, his eyes, are very close. I want him, I want it. I know he wants it too, I can see it in his eyes.

He slowly lowers his head and looks at me while he holds a strand of my hair in his hands, like it's something really valuable.

"I should go" he says, "It is already late"

"No, you shouldn't" I whisper.

"Fred I can't do this, we can't do this. It can never work."

"Yes it can." Why is he being so stubborn? He cannot miss this one opportunity.

I don't want to miss this, I don't want to miss him. I can't handle this. Tears find their ways from my eyes to my mouth. I want him to kiss them away.

He doesn't.


	5. Payback?

_Tears find their way from my eyes to my mouth. I want him to kiss them away. _

_He doesn't._

Chapter V: Payback

It happens again. He doesn't want me. Strangely I don't want to cry. I feel a strong fire burning inside of me and I know he unleashed it. I close my eyes, hold my hand out and whisper soft yet demanding: "_Fire_"

I open my eyes and in a flash I see the fire burning in my hand.

"Cool" I say, but it's already gone. I have never done that before; I always needed a spell to do something like that. Wesley, I thought, and suddenly I felt an urge to smash something. I wouldn't throw a vase; no I would do something different, something stronger. I only hope it will work. I concentrate really hard and I close my eyes again, I imagine that fire is in my hand, whisper and open m eyes.

"Yes!" I scream, throwing my hands in the air and unfortunately also the fireball.

"Oops" I say, while my ceiling is on fire. I should be able to put it out.

"_Exstingue flammae_" I say. Nothing happens and my ceiling is getting blacker.

I show my hand to the fire "_Exstingue Flammae_" I repeat

"Yes yes! Winifred; you rock!" I scream (very modest off course)

Oh jeez, it's already past midnight! I am going to bed, I will dream about… no no! I can't do that anymore. I hate him now. No I don't!

I murmur "_sleep_" and I doze off…

I open my eyes and the first thing I see is… MY ALARMCLOCK!

Shit! Ow, sorry! Damned! I dress very quickly, let my hair hang loose and go to W&H.

"Sorry I am late!" I scream, entering the lab, where I expected to see

"Wesley. Hi." So not who I expected!

"What are you doing here?" I ask, still surprised. Please tell me you were looking for me!

"I was wondering if you already fixed that grenade?" he asks. So lame!

"Oh yes, I will get it now." While I go get the shell, he moves to the spot where I stood.

"Here" I say, positioning myself next to him.

"Thanks. Hey Fred about last night…" It looks like he's going to say even more painful things. Not something I can bear now.

"Hey it's okay. It's over now. Do you know where Knox is?"

"Er… no, but I" He seems confused and hurt. Welcome to the club Wes.

"You are never going to believe what happened to me last night!" I almost scream. He looks dumbfounded yet amused by my enthusiasm.

"I…" And suddenly I realized. I wouldn't let him in anymore.

He comes closer to me, takes my hands in his and says

"You can tell me anything Fred."

"I'm not sure, I…" I feel weak, like I could collapse. I should've eaten something this morning.

He comes closer to me, lowers his lips to my ears and whispers

"Fred you can tell me anything _you want to_" There I go again, I am falling into him.

"I am a witch" I sigh. He laughs. Excuse me: HE LAUGHS

"Fred you're the nicest person I know, you are not a witch!"

How can someone this intelligent can be so stupid?

"I don't mean that kind of witch Wesley!" I yell because of the frustration.

"Oh" He says, surprised. "Are you sure? I mean I never noticed it and I know a lot about it so it seems a little odd to me. I think I would've seen it; especially with you Fred."

"Oh yes" I say slowly "And when I say you that I am a witch you don't believe me, 'cause you have never noticed it. Correction: You have never noticed _me. _If you don't want to believe me 'cause you're only interested in your books then it's clear to me. LEAVE!" I scream, pointing my finger to the door, opening it and revealing Knox standing there.

"Fred…" He says, but I cut him off "What?!" I snap.

"Calm down." He slowly says. Did he just say that? It's like I am some freak to him. I am true with this.

"Oh God, I can't believe you just said that. I already said it: LEAVE!"

And with those words, the lab trembles for a while.

"But Fred" He says, amazed.

"Now" I say ice-cold.

He walks away, he's probably going to tell Angel. I wonder if he's convinced now, that I am a witch. I understand his reaction and I was in the heat of the moment so… I don't blame him. But I am happy I let everything out.

"Hi Knox" I say

"Hello to you too. What was _his_ problem?

I laugh "Well he…"

"Doesn't believe you're a witch" he says, finishing my sentence.

"I am having trouble believing it myself" I reply.

"Fred, you are a very nice person, but sometimes you're too nice. I mean, Wesley practically laughed at you 'cause he's 'the genius'."

He cups my face. Oh my God!

"He never has the right to doubt you." He turns around.

"Nobody ought to." What the hell is he talking about? This is just too weird for me.

"Want payback?" he asks.

Well this isn't weird. I like this.

"Payback" I say, smiling.

A/N I am trying to update as soon as possible but I am in the middle of my exams so.. give me time ;) I you don't review I don't know what to do! Besides you only have to click that button there, on the bottom of the page. Thanks for reading my story!


	6. Solutions

A/N Okay I am not sure what to do now, but I'll give it a try.

"_Want payback?" he asks. _

_Well this isn't weird. I like this._

"_Payback" I say, smiling._

Chapter VI: Problems

"Well?" He asks.

"What exactly do you mean by payback?" I ask.

"Er… do you want to hurt Wesley?"

"What?!" Did he just say that? Hurt Wesley? No, no! Although the idea isn't so bad.

"What do you suggest?" I ask, very curious. He comes to me and stands next to me.

"Go out with me." He says, in a not-questioning tone.

"Knox" I sigh "I…"

"No seriously, you should go out more. As I remember, I think your social life is a little down." Correction Knox: I never had a social life. I had the gang. That seemed enough. Seemed.

"There's this new restaurant in town, it's really trendy. I you wouldn't go out with me there we could just take a look 'cause the interior is beautiful."

"Knox" I laugh, "Hearing you say 'trendy' makes it already special."

He laughs too and then straightens his face "No seriously; do you want to go out with me or do you just want to go and take a look?" he asks and he adds, more whispering "We can always see then how it ends."

"Fine, I'll just go with you to check it out; but that's all okay?" I say.

"Hey I am a gentleman miss Burkle." He mocks

"Never call me Miss Burkle again if you want to continue to live."

"You are feeling way too strong now that you're a witch." He says

"Nobody doubts that" Someone says.

"Angel! Hi! I haven't seen you yet today. Have you talked to Wesley? Because he totally overreacted since something happened the night before, and I…

"Knox," Angel interrupts "would you…" he looks at him "Leave" he orders. Knox leaves off course. This is going to be very interesting; a chat with the big boss. He's not just big Angel, he is the boss. I hate it. It doesn't do good to our group, but that's probably the nostalgic side of me. The gang, with Wesley. I smile. No no shake those thoughts off.

"Fred" He says. He looks very serious. Then again, he always does.

"Look; I don't know what your problems are but I suggest you find a solution for them quickly. I am not saying this as your boss. This is important Fred." He comes closer to me, looks into my eyes and says: "Love doesn't have to be painful Fred." He sighs, God this must be hard for him.

"Well at least for some of us" he chuckles.

"You…" he says, but I interrupt him,

"But I…"

"…just have to make _him_ realize that."

"Thank you." I say, and I really mean it. Great pep talk Angel!

"Just, fix things between you now and you know what to do later." He smiles "And get back to work now." He says with a lower voice "He's in his office; reading, so…"

"… he's probably going to be there for a while." I say, completing his sentence.

I flash Angel one of my best thankful smiles and go to Wesley.

I am standing in front of his door and I knock.

"Come in" I hear, from a far away voice.

"Hi" I say, stepping into his office.

"Oh Fred," He says, a (little) surprised. He stands up from his seat. "Hello"

Jeez he seems so nervous! He must smell the drama. That's it. Now bring on the pain. Okay this is an awkward silence.

"I want to apologize" We suddenly both say at the same time. Well that took coordination. We laugh and look at each other. "Do you want to sit down?" He asks, a little bit less nervous.

"I have received powers that I…"

"Fred, it's okay, I was wrong; I had to believe you. But you were wrong about one thing too; I do notice you Fred, I really do but…"

"Wes, just let me explain. Last night, when you left, something was awoken. I don't know what, but it happened. And I know you have something to do with it."

"It certainly was hate. I can understand that." He says, sad.

"Wesley" I say and I take his hands in mine. "It wasn't hate."

"But…" he faintly protests

"I felt it" I reassure him. This is a moment to remember, a magical one, which I am probably going to ruin now. I let go of his hands.

He looks at me, disappointed (yes!) and finally speaks. "Er… you should… I have…"

"… a lot of reading to do". I know." I say smiling. "But we're cool right?" I ask.

"We're cool" he nods. I giggle. He looks at me, questioning. "You just said cool. It's really weird to hear you say that."

"Really?" He says "Aren't I cool then?"

"Off course you are Wes" I say, giving him a pat on the shoulder. I smile and I stand up. That was what I call magic. When I reach the door and face it, he asks

"Is it supposed to be this difficult?"

"No" I say. I turn my face to him "It gets better" I add and I leave. That was intense and I loved it. Those are the moments that make me realize he's Wes and that I like that man. Really. But he's definitely not cool, or trendy. I smile, but suddenly I realize something. I have to meet Knox at the restaurant. I am really not in the mood for this. After all, my problems with Wes are all solved. There must be a beatific smile on my face right now.

I change at home and then I go at the restaurant, it's called 'Demono' and it makes me shiver. I never had this feeling before; maybe I feel this because of my new powers. Yeah that could be it.

"Are you cold?" I hear a voice asking me. I turn around

"I am fine Knox, really. Let's go take a look inside." I say, hoping this won't take too long. We enter and I look around. I only feel worse than outside.

"Knox, this place gives me the creeps, can we go?"

"Yeah sure" he says, extremely disappointed. Suddenly I see Wesley standing there. I panic immediately; he can't see me here with Knox. Knox follows my look and notices the same person as I do.

"Oh" He just says. Wes is coming this way, what can I do? I can't run; there are people everywhere. When Wesley is very close, Knox believes he found the solution by shoving me against a near wall and pushing his lips on mine. I have to get loose; I don't want this. I don't want him. I try to break myself free, but he pins me to the wall again. I try to say "Knox" but I can't 'cause he hurts me and I have to… This can't be happening. I am a witch. I am strong. Suddenly he let's go of me, blowing his fingers, they are burnt. When I realize what's happening; I see Wes. And he sees me. He looks at me, not understanding, and then at Knox; and he becomes angry, really angry. I can tell. He runs outside and I follow him. It's pouring outside. This is so dramatic!

"Wes! Wesley!" I scream; I can't see him. Suddenly I feel he's standing behind me and I turn I around.

"Wes, I…" I start, but he cuts me off

"What were you doing there, Fred? With _him _? Kissing him?"

"I wasn't…" I say but he cuts me off again "You didn't kiss him? Off course not. I saw it with my own eyes."

"Why can't you just believe me?" I yell, desperately.

"Because there is no reason to" He says. That was it. The hammer. Hitting me.

"Wes" I scream, but he's gone.

Gone


	7. Wallowing

"_Why can't you just believe me?" I yell, desperately._

"_Because there is no reason to" He says. That was it. The hammer. Hitting me._

"_Wes!" I scream, but he's gone. _

_Gone_

Chapter VII: Wallowing

'I am soaking' is one thought that is pouring slowly into my brain. I don't care.

Everything was fixed, now everything is messed up. I turn around to look for a bus stop or something like that when I see Knox.

"You…" I say, my voice trembling in anger and fear

"Do you have any idea what you caused? Everything is ruined."

"Well if it helps, my hands are burnt" He says, trying to be funny. It's not funny.

"I wish I had burnt your tongue for Gods sake" I hiss, but loud enough so he can hear me. Cool Fred, what a snappy comeback. He deserved it. That bastard will never touch me again. Ever.

"I am going" I say, more to myself than to him.

I concentrate and think about home. I would love to create a portal, that would be so cool, I read about it and… Okay I have to stop thinking about that. I'll give it a try. What was the spell again?

Seriously, I will try: _"Pate porta mihi" _I say. I suddenly see some kind of orange-red hole appearing in front of me. It's rather small, it's probably weak because my magic isn't fully developed. I walk in the blue opening and think about home. "_Duce me domi nunc quod oro"_

I'm spinning around very fast and suddenly it stops. This must be it. I'll better check it though. _"Da mihi signa, o dea, oro"_ I see a green flying ball appear. It's like a glowing M&M. "Take me home" I whisper, suddenly exhausted. I follow the M&M, enter my house, fall on the bed and fall in a deep sleep immediately.

Next morning, I call Angel I can't come 'cause I am sick, which isn't even a lie 'cause the standing-soaked-in-the-rain gave me a really bad cold. He sounds worried, he'll live. 5 minutes after that I feel sleepy and I go to bed. When I wake up (again) , it's already 3 pm. I go to the kitchen, grab a bucket filled with ice cream, I turn 'Pride and Prejudice' on and I stuff myself with chocolate cookie dough. I remember I was watching 'Pride and Prejudice' when Wesley was here; he was standing over there. I sit in my comfy chair and watch all episodes. When I watched them all, it's already 8 o'clock and that I only ate ice cream.

Great.

I go back to bed, hoping that in my dreams, my desperate thoughts will fade away.

A/N Okay short chapter. But it was sad! I couldn't make it last any longer. The title of my next chapter will be 'problems'. Don't misunderstand that 'cause maybe you already noticed, but my chapter titles usually only tell a part of the story.


	8. Problems

_I go back to bed, hoping that in my dreams, my desperate thoughts will fade away._

Chapter VIII: Problems

'Despair' was the only thing I think when I wake up. This is me depressed. I should go to work; maybe it'll distract me. Yeah right. And Spike is a teddy bear.

When I arrive at work I remember there's something I have to do. I go to Angel's office; however I make a quick stop at Wesley's office only to see he's not there. I knock on Angel's door and as I enter I see Wesley sitting there.

"Excuse me" He says to Angel and he leaves. I'm probably not worth it.

"What was that all about?" Angel asks.

"What? Oh… he is… er… Yesterday I went to a restaurant with Knox, only to see the interior. We did that to cheer me up, although it wasn't longer necessary since I'd fixed everything with Wesley."

"Huh" Angel suddenly says "I can't see much of that. I mean, I didn't think you'd be all cuddly right now but this is… cold."

"Angel, hear me out will ya? I went to the restaurant but that place gave me the creeps so we were leaving but suddenly I saw Wes there, however he didn't see me. Knox thought he had to impress Wesley or something so he pinned me against the wall and kissed…"

"What?" Angel yells "What did he do to you?"

"Don't worry; I burnt his hands."

"Oh, good. What happened next?"

"Well, Wes saw me with Knox and he obviously thought the feeling was mutual. So he ran off and I followed him, but he just… hurt me." I say, saddened.

"This shouldn't be happening to you. Do you want me to fire Knox?" He says with a spark in his dark eyes.

"He hasn't done anything wrong at work so that wouldn't be fair to him. But I will tell you if he messes up."

"So we're clear." Angel says.

"Yeah. Bye." I say, smiling faintly.

When I come outside of Angel's office I see Wes standing there. He only left 'cause he wanted to avoid (talking to) me. That's not going to happen.

I walk up to him and say

"Hello Wesley; it's nice to see you."

"Hello. I have to go" He quickly says, but I stop him.

"Excuse me?" I say "You are _not_ getting away"

"Fred, I am not in the mood for games." He says, avoiding my look.

"I don't know what your problem is but I can assure you that…"

"My problem?" He asks "If you want to screw that stupid toddler, go ahead. It's not my problem. It's yours." He says bitterly. That is too much.

"I can't believe you just said that. Why don't you believe me when I say…"

"I don't care who your boyfriends are, Fred. I really don't care. Now leave me alone." He leaves me standing there, on the verge of tears.

But he does care. Otherwise he wouldn't have reacted that way.

"Coward!" I suddenly yell. Where did that come from? Well, can't stop now.

He turns around, he's angry.

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me. You are a coward" I say, still shocked that I have the guts to say this. "You _do_ care. I care, we care, whatever. And you know it. But you are too cocky, afraid,-I don't know what your stupid reason is-, to admit that."

HA! Eat this. But don't cry please. He finally looks me in the eye and his face is full of anger, no, pain. Then he leaves.

So… there will always be despair. But I realize something now.

There will always be hope too.


	9. Pissed

_So… there will always be despair. But I realize something now._

_There will always be hope too._

Chapter IX: Pissed

I have to find Angel. He's not in his office but luckily I see him in the hall.

"Angel!" I yell. He stands still and turns to me.

"Yes" he says, expectantly

"Why was Wesley in that restaurant?" I ask

He looks at me, confused "What restaurant?"

"The restaurant where I went, the Demono" I say impatiently.

"Did you say Demono?" He asks, a little shocked

"You know, I had the feeling something was wrong there like I said, it give me the creeps and…" I am rattling. Angel looks upset.

"What is it" I ask, a little scared.

"Wes went there to check the place out 'cause we got a tip that there was an unusual amount of demon activity there. Did that little lab assistant suggested to go there?" He asks, angry and frustrated.

"Yeah he.." Oh God no! Did he bring me there on purpose? He wouldn't do that because…"

"No" I say, shaking my head, "Knox wouldn't do that."

"Off course he wouldn't" I hear an angry voice say. Wesley, off course; why not.

"… because he is too stupid" I say, finishing my sentence and I am very pissed.

"Like some other employee of W&H" I say and I walk away

"Whoa" I hear Angel say "She's pissed Wesley" Darn right she is.

I storm in the lab, causing several lab assistants to jump up. Get a life.

"Knox" I say, while I walk towards him "Where did you get the idea to take me to Demono?" I ask sweetly

"Um, I… I… read it in um…" He seems really scared (of me!!). Nice

"Okay and now the truth" I say. He looks at me, questioning and I repeat slowly: "The. Truth. Now"

"Well… I" Okay this isn't going to work; I'll try something different then.

"_Dea verarum, quaero tuo auxilio, ad silvas ad angustias dice me veritas_" I say, looking straight to him.

"Well." I say "Let's try again. Why did you take me there?" He remains silent.

"Answer me" I say calmly yet demanding.

"Some guy gave me a flyer and I wanted to impress you and it was a new club, trendy and everything and since you…"

"Yeah yeah. "I interrupt him "Who was the guy?"

"I don't know. He was tall and…"

"… and how did he look like? Knox, answer me. Was he human?"

"No" he said, hesitating.

"So you see a man on the street, a demon, he gives you a flyer and in stead of reporting that to W&H, where you work, you take me to that place?"

He looks at me and says "Uhu"

"Are you insane? Really, what were you thinking? Tell me, what the hell was going on in your stupid, little, retarded mind?"

"I thought it'd be cool" he almost yells.

"Oh yeah, visiting a club filled with demons, that would have been so cool, really."

I say, not even trying to hide the sarcasm.

"I…" He tries.

"You are a baby, Knox" I say and leave. I have to go to Angel (again). He is so popular today!

"Angel!" I say to his chair "Knox says he got the flyers from a demon and that he took me there to impress me. Can you believe that? I said he was a baby." I add, proudly.

"Angel?" I ask. I walk towards the chair and see that I have been talking to myself the whole time.

"Great." I mutter "I might as well talk to myself."

"I heard you" a familiar voice says. I turn around, relieved it's

"Wesley! What are you doing here? I mean, we can't let this happen. Who knows what's going on there?"

"Relax Fred; nothing evil will happen to the world, or to your little Knox."

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" I ask hurt and not understanding. Why is he doing this to me? Why does he have to hurt me?

"Yeah, very cute, a lovers fight. I am really not interested." He says coldly.

There it is. That stupid hammer. Hitting me again. Stop hitting me.


	10. Pain

_Why is he doing this to me? Why does he have to hurt me?_

_There it is. That stupid hammer. Hitting me again. Stop hitting me._

Chapter X: Pain

I have to focus on the case; that's what I have to do to forget everything. These memories about him are too painful. Since when did that happen? Before, I could only think about love and joy when I thought about Wesley; now it is bitterness and pain. And it's destroying everything.

Someone enters the lab; I don't even bother to look who it is.

"Knox." I say, very surprised. "What are you still doing here? It's like 9 o'clock. You know you can leave at 6, right?" I say, smiling.

"You know," he says ", I shouldn't be here."

"Why not?" I ask. He works here I mean he can be here always. Wait a minute, he seems… drunk. Yep, I smell it. I probably should be careful. You never know.

"Don't you know?" He asks, coming closer "the boss fired me" he suddenly yells.

"That stupid vampire fired me! Can you believe that? Because I am stunned."

"Knox, I… Why did he fire you?"

"I don't know. Maybe you know something more? Because I'm thinking you know more about it." He is almost next to me. I have to run, I don't trust him. I run to the door but he stops me and pulls a knife out off his pocket. A knife.

"Okay, Knox, calm down." I say

"Calm down?" He yells "Isn't that what Wesley said before you sent him out because he didn't believe you? Well? Answer me!" He screams.

"Knox" I say slowly "You have to let me go. You don't want to do this."

"I have nothing to loose" he laughs maniacally "I already lost my job because of you and because I touched you once. But you wanted it. I know you wanted it."

"I didn't want it, Knox, why can't you understand that? God I burned you hands!"

"Oh yeah, that's right, I can forgive you, you only did it because of all the heat and the passion. You couldn't control your power any more cause you lost control over your body."

"Knox. Listen to me" I say firmly "I don't want you. I maybe wanted to be with you a few weeks ago, but I don't need you anymore. I would've only used you to.."

"oh yeah, to get over Wesley. That's right. But you can use me Fred, I want you to be with me, if only for one night, but I need you."

"Knox, you have to walk away now that you still can."

"I am not leaving until I got what I wanted." He says.

"Knox, don't do this. You can have anyone or anything you want. You are young, handsome, smart… Anyone would hire you by the way. You will find a new job immediately. And…"

"Would I have you?" he screams, throwing hundreds of bottles on the floor.

"You can never have me." I say "You can't possess someone Knox. That's not love."

God, I hope he listens to me.

"Oh, but I will possess you for about 5 minutes and you will feel it."

"Knox. Step away. I am warning you"

"Or you'd do what? Attack me with your powers?" He laughs "You can't even control them. You can't even use them when you need them."

"Want to bet?" I say

"Nope," he says "I am pretty sure of it." He throws me on the floor and sits on top of me. I freeze. I have to scream. Isn't anyone in the hallways?

"Help!" I scream. He shakes his head.

"You said it yourself, Fred, everyone can leave at 6." He kisses me and tries to open my lab coat but I can stop him a little bit. But not enough. I throw him off me and run to the door. When I reach it, he's behind me and he pushes me to the wall. He cuts in the flesh of my arms.

"Right." He says "you like the wall better. I forgot that, I am very sorry about that, but I will make it up to you." He tears my lab coat apart and then he looks at me.

"Just so you know; the blisters on my hand were already gone the next day. You are weak Fred. You just need to realize that. But you will." He says. God, everything is going crazy in my mind. What can I do? He's right, I can't even control my powers, and he knows I can't always use them. I guess I'd have to fight then. I lift my arm to hit him, but he stops me.

"Oh, you like it that way? We can do that later, you little slut of mine, but we will do my bidding first. I am sure you will like it." He says, smiling evilly.

He searches for the zip on my skirt and when he finds it he zips it down violently, saying "let the show begin" While he takes his pants of I realize it: he can't do this. Not to me. He rubs his body against mine and he's already in heaven apparently. This is my cue to leave. I form thoughts and spells in my head and as he decides to go into me I break myself loose and I run away as fast as I can. The door is locked. Shit! I yell, panicked "Open!" and lucky me, it opens. This takes too much time, Knox is already behind me; I have to find a place to hide. There are enough offices here, I realize, as I keep running. He's right behind me and he's so close he tears my blouse.

"Come on, Fred, we're almost there." He yells "Okay we can make it a game, as long as I get what I want" He says, suddenly jumping on me from the behind.

"So" He says "You like to play huh. Does it turn you on, to be here in the hallways, with me? Having sex with me? He hisses. That's it. He's obsessed and a pervert. I am getting very very angry and I suddenly yell "Fireball" and hit Knox in his face. I throw him off me and run in the first office I see and lock it.

Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me" I yell, causing the person to fall on the ground. I look at him as he gets up. Oh God, it's Wesley.

"Oh God, Wesley I am so sorry. You have to help me."

"And why should I do that?" He asks

"Because he's after me." I say, whispering

"Who is after you?" he asks. Suddenly we both hear a voice saying

"Fred… Where are you? We have to play?" I tremble when I hear his voice; but Wesley, he … I can't describe how his face looks like… It scares me.

"You came to me 'cause you're having trouble with pleasing your darling?" He yells. I want to run. I want to run fast. Away from everything and especially him.

I start to cry, this is too much. He looks at me, still mad but then he sees that I cry and he notices my torn clothes.

"Fred, what's wrong?" He asks.

"I can't be too strong, remember?" I say, sobbing.

"That's right" he says, looking very intensely at me.

"He…He's still outside…" I say with a trembling voice.

"I will take care of that." He says. I feel very tired; this was a rough day.

I wake up and I wonder where I am. When I look around I see that I am in Wesley's office. Why am I here? Oh, right. Wesley walks in. He looks at me and suddenly says

"You have to go."

"Excuse me?" I say. What is this about? "What is going on?"

"You have to go to Angel's office."

"Okay" I say, not sure what to answer now.

I get up and notice that I'm wearing other clothes. Well this is weird. Did Wesley…? I blush thinking about that.

When I arrive at Angel's office, I see the whole gang is there. I am confused.

"Hey. What's going on?" I ask

"Fred. Glad you're here. Someone was murdered in the restaurant. He was human and his brains were gone."

"Eew" I say "who would do that? That's just gross!"

"That's what I want you to find out." He says

"But I can't to that alone, I need help. Usually, Wesley does this kind of stuff and…"

"Fred, you're completely right. You will work together with Wesley."

Wesley looks at me and then says: "I can't do that Angel"

I look at him not-understanding. He storms off and I follow him. Haven't I done this before?

"Hey Wesley" I yell. He stands still. "Why don't you want to team up with me?"

"Not everyone forgets so easy Fred. You come to me in my office saying that Knox is behind you while he wasn't even at W&H! You were trying to make me forgive you. That's really low Fred, that's not something you do."

"You think I would fake that?"

"You are a witch Fred and you're smart. You are capable of doing that."

"Did I tear my own clothes? Did I cut myself in my arm?" I scream, crying.

"You don't have a cut in your arm and your clothes are fine." He says

"You" I say slowly "have too much trouble believing me. Why can't you trust me? Why do you have run away every single time?" I ask.

"You're right; I don't trust you. However, I have to work with you on a case with you so we'd better get started, okay?"

"Fine" I say. He's think nothing happened, that it was an act. Still, he isn't that angry anymore. I guess I'll see how everything turns out.

A/N. This was a very very very very long chapter (for me at least) and the next one will be about the two of them working together. Next chapter is called "Together", but don't expect too much of it. In the chapter after that I will (if everything goes right) make Wesley realize Fred wants him and nobody else. Especially not Knox!! I had to get Knox out off the story so now he's gone…

Right?


	11. Together

_He thinks nothing happened, that it was an act. Still, he isn't angry anymore. _

_I guess I'll see how everything turns out._

Chapter XI: Together

So, here I am, working together with Wesley. Then I realize something. There should be traces in the lab, right. The bottles; he threw the bottles on the floor. I have to go there. Wesley has to believe me.

"I just have to check something in the lab okay?" I ask

"Yeah yeah sure, you should do that" he says, with his thoughts somewhere else. As always, recently. I am getting used to it; when we work together it's reading books for like 9 hours a day. It's kinda dull; I never thought reading could be so dull. Call me a geek but I love reading, especially in those old books.

When I arrive at the lab, I am shocked. I think and say out loud

"Everything is cleaned!" What…? How is this possible? What has happened here? More importantly: what the hell is going on? Those are a lot of questions.

I decide to go back to the Wesley (yeey), but then I see a red-brown spot on the floor. I study the spot and conclude it's blood, my blood off course. So I didn't imagine the whole thing. But Wesley is right; the cut on my arm is gone. I have to trust myself, that's the only way how I get through this. I have to go back to Wesley 'cause he tends to get annoying when I am gone too long.

"Hi" I say, as I enter his office.

"Oh, hello Fred. Did you find what you were looking for in the lab?" He asks.

He may not act angry anymore but he's so distant lately.

"Um yeah sure. So, did you discover anything new?" I ask, trying to be enthusiastic.

"Fred, you don't have to pretend you know." I look at him, questioning.

"This is terribly boring" he says, giving me a little smile.

"Yep, that's true" I say, smiling. He has feelings again. Applaud for Wesley!

"Well," he says "Angel gave us a new assignment when you were at the lab; we have to go to the Demono."

"Really? That's weird, because I thought he said it was too dangerous there."

"_You_ don't believe _me_? He asks. Nope, his feelings are gone. That was mean of him. I knew he is still angry.

"Aw, that hurt." I mock. But it does hurt. He doesn't have to know that.

He seems amazed with my answer; he looks at me and smiles. Okay, that was nice Wesley.

"So, what do we do now?" I say, when we arrive at the Demono.

"I will go that way and you will go that way" He says, pointing to two opposite directions. Why does he always have to split the "we"?

"Are you sure we should do that? I mean, it's dangerous here and…"

He looks at me. "And…?"

"I am scared" I admit "This place just…" I shiver

"Okay then" he says "We'll go together." Oh, I love the word together. It's my favourite word from now on. When I get home I will look it up in my dictionary and I will marker it in pink.

We enter the restaurant, very carefully, together.

A/N: Okay short chapter (that's called compensation)


	12. Private

_We enter the restaurant, very carefully, together._

Chapter XII: Private

I look around if I see any danger, but everything seems safe. We go on; we're now standing at the tables.

"Don't you think it's weird that nobody's here although the restaurant is open?" I ask.

"Yes, Fred; but we have to focus. You know that we only come here to take a look." He says, and I feel like I'm back in kindergarten. We almost made a tour true the whole restaurant. Wesley looks at the door that says 'Private'.

I look at him and shake my head. "We can't go in there Wesley" I whisper

"Fred, we have to, there's obviously nothing here, so we have to check there. Something is going on there and…" he sighs ", don't you want to know what?" he asks. Oh great, he's making me feel guilty.

"Okay then" I say

"Good"

We open the door and we see a whole network of caves, rivers and bridges built across them. We look at each other, amazed.

"How… how is this possible?" I succeed to say

"I don't know…I…" He is as shocked as I am. That's great I mean, here we are, in a place and we don't even know what it is. Really, classy.

"Fred, we have to go back" he says, panicked.

"Wesley, what's going on?" I ask, a little scared.

"I don't think this is built by humans." He says and looks at me.

"Oh God Wesley. We have to run now." We turn around to run but someone is standing in our way and that someone doesn't look human, although you never know these days with plastic surgeries.

"Um.." I ask to be sure "Is that… he… Is he human?"

"Definitely not" he says. "Run!" he suddenly yells. He turns around and I just follow him, until he wants to go over one of the bridges.

"Fred, come on! What are you waiting for?" he asks, but I don't react. He runs back to me, takes my hand and pulls me over the bridge.

"What was that?" he asks, panting and still holding my hand.

"When I was 15, I went to a party with my friends and we lost control of the steering wheel on a bridge and we drove into a lake." I say, very quickly

"Oh, then what happened?" he asks, worried.

"We all died Wesley." I say deadly serious.

"What?" he asks.

"The lake was almost completely dried up." I say, laughing.

"Oh" He laughs to and looks at me. Suddenly we hear a scream and we both jump up.

"I'm guessing that was human?" I ask, frightened. Remind me why I came with him to this place please. Now! Because I have no idea.

"Yes, actually. And we really have to get out of here." He says. He looks very stressed and actually a little scared. Wesley is scared, that's not good. I'm scared too; I mean, we don't even know what's in here. When we're prepared, we know what we are facing, but this; this wasn't the part of the plan. I realize Wesley is still holding my hand and he sees it too.

"I am sorry" he silently says

"Don't be" I say, soft.

"Oh, I am not, but you are still with Knox so I wouldn't dare to interfere." He says. Yep, there he goes again. This is so exhausting.

"What? Never mind. You know, Knox never said anything about this. I guess he didn't know then." I say only to annoy him.

"Off course he didn't; I doubt if the demons told about their plans to a human, and especially not to Knox."

"Really, why not?" I ask. I would finally know why he hated Knox. As he wants to answer we hear another bloodcurdling scream. We look at each other and we run; we run until we reach sort of an open space, that's 'decorated' with red smudges and closed off the rest of the caves.

"Well this is weird." I say, still scared.

"How do we have to get out of here?" He says, to himself. Hello Wesley! There's someone else here and she's standing right next to you and she just asked you something. Why don't you answer that pretty girl?

"Wesley, do you think those red spots are paint?" I ask but actually I don't want an answer, 'cause I am too scared.

"Oh, God," he says "How did we end up here?" He asks, looking around, terrified. He looks at the walls and then he looks at me, questioning.

"Well, we ran and we just came out here." I say, oblivious to what was happening.

"No" We hear a voice say "You were driven here"


	13. Puzzle

"_Well, we ran and we just came out here." I say, oblivious to what was happening._

"_No" We hear a voice say "You were driven here"_

Chapter XIII: Puzzle

"Who was that?" I ask, terrified, as I keep staring at Wesley as some kind of support.

"Well, I don't know if you can define me, I am pretty new around her. And I am guessing you're new too. And you're human; that makes it even more interesting, I mean…"

"Who are you?" I demand.

"Pumpkin, turn around so you can see me because this is pointless."

Wesley and I both turn around and we see some kind of demon that has human features. He or she off course has red eyes with pupils like a cat and his skin is covered with brown scales, but besides that, he seems really human. He looks at me and says

"I have a feeling I've seen you before."

"I doubt it" I say, sceptically. You demon, me human, don't you understand that? Jeez! I don't think he's very smart actually but who is this creature?

"Oh yes, I remember. You were at the restaurant" he snickers. ", You were at the restaurant. With that boy." He adds.

"Knox" I say out loud

"Was that his name? Well, he came to me and he asked me something. So I granted him a wish."

"So, what are you? A fairy godmother?" I ask, interrupting him

"Among other things."

"You were the one that took a human's brain here in LA" I say, suddenly not afraid anymore.

"Really? Oh yes, the boy at the restaurant! He was reasonable. But that Knox's brains where better. He had such sweet memories. You were included in them."

"Which wish did you grant him?" I ask, because I realize I can discover everything now.

"Well, he asked me to give him incredible powers for only a few hours. Now that I see you I understand why he did that." He says. Oh God, this explains everything.

"What did he have to give you?"

"His memories off course" he says "He didn't know that it would kill him. Well it doesn't bother him anymore now."

"Is he alive?"

"You're not very bright are you?"

"What do you want from us?" Wesley asks, interrupting our very interesting conversation. At least I know now what happened to Knox and me. Wesley is trying to look self-assured but not even a three-year-old would see he's afraid of this unknown demon.

"Don't you know that? Oh and you look so smart!" the creature says.

"And what are you?" I ask, horrified and trying to drag time.

"Well, my sweet girl I am a Memoria-demon. Have you never heard of me before?" I shake my head

"That's okay, 'because soon, everyone in LA will know me. Until then I had to satisfy myself with memories of demons. I live on memories you know, I start with the ones that are fresh, and then I use the others. But you don't know how dull the memory of a demon is. The only thing that's in their memory is fights and green blood and all the action. Humans are so sweet. Their thoughts… they make me feel like in heaven."

"Then why did you build the restaurant? Because usually, demons hunt." I say

"Well, I am not a normal demon. I needed this restaurant because I don't like to hunt, it's so primitive. Let's say I am a multitasking demon. I grant wishes in order to get brains, I built a restaurant to lure humans and to hide this." He points to the whole network of caves, tunnels and bridges. Suddenly I think about Knox and what he did. He lost his life because of it.

"So… to answer your question" he looks at Wesley "The only thing I want is your brains." I shiver.

"There's also another way, I just kill you and take your brains out. Actually if you give me your memories that's already enough. I have an easy way to absorb your thoughts. There's only one little disadvantage." He pauses. "You will die."

"But you'll live right, or no you won't, but you know what I mean. It's better for you kiddo's that I do it the second way, that's less painful." I look at Wesley, frightened.

"So… Who wants to go first?" he says, smiling evilly.


	14. Pieces

"_So… Who wants to go first?" he says, smiling evilly._

A/N The memories of Fred and Wesley are in italics, to keep a good survey over the story. On with the story!

Chapter XIV: Pieces

"I will go first." Wesley says very brave. This is so _not_ the time to be brave!

"Wesley, don't do that!" I yell

"It's not like you really care Fred." I look at him, while my tears slowly fall down my cheeks, but he just smiles. How can he smile right now I mean…

"Time's up" the demon says. He suddenly hits Wesley with a purple beam and he starts to drain his memories. I try to stop him, but he throws me against the wall.

I see Wesley's memories displayed on the wall, like a movie in a cinema_. His thoughts are full of despair; they aren't always pretty, except when I see my face sometimes. I see my face quite a lot actually, would he still…?_

_I see how he thinks about me, how I talk to Knox, his angry face, me crying._

"That's enough!" I hear myself say and I slowly speak the words:

"_Oro, oriore ex terra ad prohibendae hostem"_ Suddenly some kind of wires come out off the ground and grab the demon's feet causing him to stumble and fall so he loses control over Wesley's memories.

"Oh, so you're a witch." He says "You only look like a goody-goody then."

"Don't ever call me like that" The demon throws a dark ball at me but I quickly say: "_Munite me, flammae di_." And a curtain of fire protects me from his attack.

Good I listened to Angel; he told me I should practice and learn some spells, just in case; although I am not sure this will be sufficient enough. He's strong, he can do almost everything; but I will not think like that. I'll believe in myself.

"Oh, so you like fire?" he asks and throws me to the wall, only by waving his hands; I don't know how to block this attack.

"You don't control your powers yet, do you? That's even more interesting." He says and he goes into my mind. I don't know what the worst part is; that I stay conscious all the time or that I see Wesley; lying there and that I can't do anything to help him. Oh, he wakes up, God, thank you. He wakes up, still confused off course and he sees me, but he's exhausted. I can see my own memories, and the demon clearly enjoys them, God, we've been through so much. _I see Knox for the first time, and then the time he carried my boxes although Wesley wanted to help, the grenade, Wesley with me at home,… _He sees everything; he sees_ me cry after he leaves_, he sees_ me setting my ceiling on fire and _I see a faint smile playing around his lips, but mostly his face is sad, really sad._ Wesley and I talking, making up 'cause he didn't believe me when I said I was a witch. Then, the restaurant and me looking around, terrified when I see Wesley, searching for a solution._ He looks at me now, not-understanding. Then he sees _Knox pushing me against the wall, me protesting, my panicked thoughts and eventually me burning his hands. _He looks at me, very angry, but he's not angry with me anymore. He wants to get up; he doesn't want to see anything cruel anymore. We both realize there's a lot of terror in our thoughts. This has to stop. But he can't do anything and me either. _Now there's me, soaking, creating my first portal, crying, wallowing._ He turns away; but soon he looks again. _I walk around in the hallways now, meeting Angel and oh yes, me being pissed. And the truth-spell on Knox. That was funny actually; but then a few days later I go to the lab_. I can't see this again. He can't see this. I try to block the demon, but I only move a little. I moan because it's going to be too late. He will see it. _I see Knox, how he talks to me, full of anger and how he pushes me against the wall, how I try to escape, how he throws me to the floor, how he sits on top of me, how he kisses me, how he zips my skirt open, how…_

Suddenly the stream of thoughts is cut off. It's finished with all my tears.

I fall to the ground, tired but not exhausted. I feel that I still have enough power to withstand. Wesley, he jumped on the demon and he saved me. I have to help him; but I can't see him. I look around and I see that the Memoria-demon lifts him in the air, ready to throw him in the river.

"No!" I scream. Okay this would be a good time for Angel to barge in.

"Is there something wrong?" the demon asks mockingly.

"Hell yeah! You're about to throw a very nice man in a river" I say. Angel?

"Yes, you're completely right." He says and then he throws Wesley in the river.

"Wesley! No!" I yell. I look at the demon and I feel that I am very very very pissed. I am full of hate, anger and I know exactly what to do with it.

"_Eum cape ab flammae_" I yell and the demon is trapped in a cage of fire but he can still talk so we have to something about that

"_Dormi, unde reveillus_!" I say and the he goes to sleep; he's still ugly you know, even when he sleeps 'peacefully'. Oh God, Wesley!

I look in the river and I see his body floating in the water, he has to be alive; he has to be. I try to make him levitate but it doesn't work so I decide to jump in to the river. When I am in the water I don't see him immediately, I panic but then I see him. I swim towards him and I pull really hard and eventually I get him on land.

"Wesley?" I whisper his name. I feel his heartbeat and… there is one, it's very faint; but it's there. I have to get out of here. How am I going to do that? I am soaked, Wesley is unconscious _and_ soaked and I am lost here; I don't know where to go! I could try to… Yes, I learned a spell from Willow when she was here for Angel's soul! I should try that, but I have never tried it before. I have to try it for Wesley and me. I pronounce slowly:

"_Aradia, Goddess of the lost, the path is murky, the woods are dense, darkness pervades, I beseech thee, bring the light."_

"Yes" I whisper when I see a glowing m&m appear. I like green m&m's!

I say to the little glowing ball: "_Lead me out off this place; lead me home_."

"I wouldn't like that" I unexpectedly hear. Oh God, the demon. The sleep spell wore off! I have to hurry now.

I start to run after the m&m with an unconscious Wesley, but I don't go very fast, since well, I am with an unconscious Wesley! I feel some kind of power holding me back, even pulling me back. I am not able to hold Wesley, I have to let hem drop, while the power is still pulling me back, until I am 15 feet of the wall, then I am suddenly slammed to the wall.

"You didn't think you would get away so easily?" he asks, really angry.

"I didn't think you would fall asleep so easily." I say.

"I am sorry, but I am well rested now. _Iace_!" he says and I am thrown against the opposite wall. I fall to the ground and I moan silently. I am sick of this, he has to stop throwing me against the wall; it's not very original anymore! Then I see Wesley move, he moved! He really did. Unfortunately the demon sees this also.

"So you saved him?" He asks although he's not expecting an answer "I am impressed. But you won't be able to do it a second time." He lifts his hand and with one movement he sends Wesley flying in the air and hard on the ground.

I try to think of something; but it has to be good, because I have to beat him immediately, I can't dawdle anymore. Besides, I don't think Wesley can bear one more blow. But what can I do? I don't even know this… beast. I say, only to try something and to divert his attention from Wesley: "Impetus incendio" but he blocks the attack easily. Think Fred, think. I have to talk to Wesley, it's a desperate plan, but it's my only plan. I run to Wesley and he whispers; "Fred, it's like my mind is empty while I still remember everything."

"Okay, no communication" the demon says and as he speaks to attack us again, I yell, pointing my finger to the demon: "Amnesia completa!" and he falls to the ground. But he stands up again, asking: "Where am I?" and then it's like he's being swallowed down by a tornado that whirls around him. That was it! Amnesia!

I search for the glowing m&m and luckily he's still there.

I manage to get Wesley to get to his feet, but I still have to support him. He's too weak. We leave the tunnels –the m&m led us perfectly- and I am incredibly relieved when I am outside. I walk as far as I can, until I reach the door of W there everything goes black and I collapse.


	15. Crush

Chapter XV: Crush

I wake up in my own bed, which surprises me 'because the last thing I remember is W&H. I look at my alarm clock to see what time it is. God no, it's already 1 pm. Screw it; I am not going to work. Just as I think that, my phone rings.

"Hello" I say in a tone of how-dare-you-to-call-me?

"Hey" it's Angel, you know the dark guy with the soft deep voice. Suddenly I think of someone

"Wesley" I say out loud. Damned! I hope he didn't here that!

"Fred, I know you're tired, but this is Angel." He says amused. Damned damned!

"What do you want?" I say, angrier than I wanted

"Well I'm sorry Miss Sunshine" he says. I interrupt him

"I am sorry Angel, it's just… I am so tired and exhausted." I say, softly

"Yeah I know but could you please come to W&H?" he asks, in a pleading way.

"Mmm I don't know, you should beg me even more." I say, jokingly.

"Wesley's here." He says triumphantly.

"Fine" I say "Give me half an hour."

"Excuse me?" he says mockingly.

"Bye Angel" I say and I hang up.

I start to pace up and down the room nervously. Wesley is there. Is he healthy? Can he stand? Why didn't I ask more about him? Oh yes, because actually I only want to come to W&H to see him. What am I going to wear? That is very important. I know that's shallow and blabla you have to love somebody for his personality, but it can never hurt for a girl to look good right? I decide to put on a short blue denim skirt, a pale pink top and brown high-heeled boots. That should do the trick. Oh wait, I'll let my hair hang loose, that always works. Who am I kidding? Wesley will never want me after what he saw.

Lost in my thoughts I arrive at W&H. As I enter, everyone looks at me. What the hell? I look around if I can see Lorne, Gunn, or even Eve! Where are they? I decide to pay Angel a visit; after all, he asked me to come, they're probably all there. I enter the office, they don't see me but they are all there: Angel, Eve, Gunn, Spike and –I sigh- Wesley. Because of my sigh, they suddenly all look at the door therefore they look at me. They kinda stare at me like the people in the hallway. Say 'weird'. Wesley looks good for being thrown against the wall and almost being drowned in a river by a murderous demon. Okay there are the cuts on his face, but I think that's sexy. I almost giggle, but I have to restrain myself. I have to break the silence and the staring-at-me.

"Okay, what's with the staring at Fred?" I ask, shyly smiling. They suddenly all look at each other like they weren't staring at all. No, off course not! I see Angel wants to say something; and I am guessing it's something solemn, as always.

"Fred" he starts "First of all, we are all amazed, because you look so stunning."

"What?" I ask, not-understanding and looking at my outfit.

"That's not what I meant." He says

"Are you sure?" I hear Wesley say. Oh God, this is making me nervous.

"You don't have any cuts or bruises" he says

"Well no" I start

"You do remember what happened last night, do you?" he asks

"Off course I do" I say, a little saddened when I think back again to all these terrible things.

"Fred, we all want to thank you because you saved Wesley and slew the demon" he chuckles saying the word 'slew'.

"Wow guys, thank you." Can I get a special thank-you from Wesley? Pleeeeeease?

"Fred, we think you have incredible powers, that is probably why you healed yourself." He says, looking very serious. I may have healed my outside; but on the inside everything is messed up and wrong.

"So… now the speech is over, we can have a party." He says, smiling.

"Let's go downstairs, the party is there." He says, chuckling now. He seems happy. That's good for him. I hear Spike mutter in his English accent

"Oh bloody hell, now a stupid party? What's next? Teddy bears?"

"Come on Spike" I say, "You have to be happy; or at least pretend you're happy."

"Stupid prick" he says, looking at Angel. "Spike a little happiness and tolerance would be nice." I say, admonishing.

"Like you're having a fabulous time." He says and walks away, leaving me standing there alone. I decide to take a drink; and I hope there's alcohol in it.

"You shouldn't be listening to him." I hear Wesley say and I turn around.

"Wesley!" I say smiling and I hug him.

"Aw." He suddenly says. Oh yes, he's hurt.

"Oh God, Wesley I am so sorry. I didn't know. I am so sorry for doing that to you. I tried to help you but I really couldn't…" he looks amused.

"I am rattling right?" I say smiling.

"Off course not." He says and we share a long deep look.

"Come on kiddo's, you have to party! Have a drink." Lorne says

"No no, not again" I quickly say, remembering what happened last time at Lorne's party. Back then, I was into Knox, he seemed so normal.

"We _are_ having a good time" Wesley says putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Oh" Lorne says, "I can see that." As Lorne leaves I think Wesley will remove his hands, but he only lowers it to my waist. This feels so… God I want him! 'Be patient, Fred' a little voice in my head says.

"Do you want to talk somewhere?" he asks. I nod as a response

"So…" he says, as we enter his office. A lot of bad memories lie here.

"I am really sorry how I treated you." He says as we sit down in opposite chairs.

"Wesley, that's okay, I…" but he interrupts me. 'just want to kiss you' I add in my thoughts.

"Fred, I was totally wrong and this must've been a hell to you. I reacted so harsh and rude. When I saw what he did to you… I wanted to kill him; really."

"You weren't supposed to see my thoughts" I say, silently.

"But I did" he continues "and what I saw… I wanted to kill him" he says simply, like it's his birthday today. "Well he's already dead now, but…"

"He was already dead to me a long time ago" I say, harsher than I wanted.

"The point is, Fred, what I felt when I saw all those things. I reacted so harsh about Knox because I… I was jealous and it made my reaction even cruder." He says. I open my mouth to say something but he holds his hand up.

"I understand if you can't forgive me but Fred I really, truly love you."

"Wesley" I sigh. He interprets my sigh as rejection and he says

"That's what I thought." He looks sad "I…" he stands up and turns away from me.

"Wesley" I repeat his name and place myself next to him.

"I…" I look into his eyes and I realize I can't say anything to him. I should do the one thing I've wanted for more than 2 years now; and I give him a soft kiss on the lips. Just one soft lovingly kiss that should explain him everything.

He looks at me, like he doesn't understand.

"Okay are you stupid or something?" I say and I cup his face

"I love you" I say slowly.

"Oh" he only says and suddenly he kisses me. And I am _not _talking about a soft kiss, this is passion.

"Oh God." I say out of breath when I pull back.

"So…" he says "What is your favourite element as a witch?"

"I think you already now that" I say and I whisper in his ear "Fire"

"Oh, those are the toughest ones to satisfy" he says, laughing

"Excuse me?" I say, slapping him on the shoulder.

"But I can live with that, I'll try a little harder." He says and he walks to me while I walk backwards so we end up against the wall. Well, I am against the wall.

"I don't think that will be a problem" I say, giggling as he pushes his body against mine, kissing me passionately.

_So the question is: Can you learn how to love somebody? I have no idea, but… Wes and I learned and I that's al that matters to me, right now in this place._

A/N So this is it. My story is finished! I hope you liked it. Thanks to TheDBoyLover for all her reviews, it's always amazing if someone appreciates your writing and… I will return!

Xoxo

An


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